![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
I think it’s a curse to see people that you use to know and just feel awkward around them, no matter whom you are or where you are from. It’s just something everyone feels without question. The riddles of what to say or even if you should talk to them in the first place. No matter how much you cared for that person you still have that itching spot that you just can’t scratch when you seen them. Whether they be old friends, past lovers, disagreeable work colleagues, annoying neighbours or just that person that you could never remember their name. For me it was two girls, two girls that I was sure that if I ever saw again I wouldn’t say anything to, not because I hated them or that I thought they were beneath me, it was the way we parted that left me with nothing to say.
Their names will forever been Karen Lee and Marianne Franks. Two of my best friends in high school and a couple of years after, in total my best buddies for 7 years. Then one day because of a sentence that I just didn’t word properly turn everything upside down, Laura took it the wrong way thinking that we using her as a last resort which I still to this day don’t really understand because I tried everything to go see her. I worked odd hours it wasn’t like I was a girl that had the weekends free so when I did get a chance I wasn’t going to pass it up and I never did. Even on new years I went to see her even though on New Year’s Day I have a 5am start I still stayed with her until midnight. But I suppose that wasn’t enough. So now we aren’t friend anymore not even a smile or nod when pasting at the mall, nothing. Just like we are strangers.
But other than them there are people that I just ignore that the mall some people that I knew in high school but never really conversed with them for many reason. Even thought you go through 12 sometimes more years of school, the people you did it with 97% of them you will never talk to or some you won’t even see again. It’s surprising how people can just forget each other and go through the world as strangers even though we spend our childhoods with them, maybe not as close as some but we have memories of them and other school photos. I suppose people aren’t as important as we like to think they are as we forget so easily about them. But there are so many people in this world that it would be hard to stay in contact with everyone on a regular basis; life has become more of a choir than we would like to think.
I don’t believe most people would like to think that there life is ruled by their day to day life but for most of us it is, there are only few people out there who ‘live life’ by not sticking to the usually daily ritual of the nine to five. But even in that opinion what is ‘living life’ we all have our own ideas of joy and excitement for the workaholic the nine to five might be ‘living’ for them, but for someone else it’s hell for eight hours. Whistle other might think partying every weekend is the only way to truly get a rush of life or even jumping out a plane or fixing a car. These differences are probably the reason in why we lose contact and forget people that we once knew and shared memories with. But that is what makes us human, makes us really cherish the people that we are with right now, the people that we do consider ‘friends’ whether we have known them for 7 second or 7 years.
The human lifetime is considered a short life where we only have 100 years to really live out everything that we have imagined. But do we really have that long is the way we see time the actually way that time runs or do we have it all wrong. Could we possibly only have one year or one day in a life of a different creature or a god? Through this time do we stay the same do we change to much as a person or do we not change at all are we just effective from the things we have seen in the past or in the present. But I suppose we would have to as from seeing we do learn off other people’s ideals and beliefs, copy behaviours of people we know or see because they are what society and the media believe we should be like. Maybe it’s the media’s job to show us this so we would create havoc so they have something to report. It’s the circle of life which people can never learn nor leave from.
One person has the ability to change the feeling which we hold in a smile or frown without a word, just a look can make you jump for joy or cry for hours. In that thought has the emotion and sensitivity of our planet worsen or have people become more obscene and ‘cross the line’ on too many occasions that we have just learnt to accept it. Should we just let out all the hate that we hold or turn and learn that even in hate, happiness and joy can come from the small object? But for the time being we all have to accept that we as a race and as an animal have change so much that I suppose even if there is a god, would he still recognised us? Or has he done what we do to each other has he forgot us because there are so many or is he just waiting for that day when we met again in the mall. But this time would he have the courage to come up to us and say hello.
Whats the fuck point in being alive if all you do is work, sleep and shit..... where is the happiness? does it come from the money you get so you can buy happiness or the smile on some little kids face, whom will grow up and hate you for no reason or just grow and be a fuck head to someone else. Oh yeah that sounds like a great life i rather kill myself over and over again. No matter how happy you can get there is aways someone who can make you feel like shit in less than a second and they have no problem doing it.
sometimes i really wish i could just go up to people i hate or think should just stop being a fuckhead and shot them... square between the eyes. I hate the judgement of people and the opinion of someone i think is a total loser.
i wish people would think about what they would say before opening there stupid mouth because 90 percent of the time i dont give a shit about your opinion or what you fucking did on the weekend because you are nothing to me and you will always be nothing to do. i'm not selfish i just don't care about what you are feeling right now, don't get me wrong i will help you if you require it but don't fucking talk to me because i have nothing to say to you so what is the point of having a conversation??? just ask me a question don't go on and on and on and on about your life because i dont' give a shit.
i suppose working in what i do has made me feel like this or maybe is just the common hatred i see everyday at work.. because i don't have a weekend which is why i dont want to hear about yours... all i do on my days off is be the taxi driver or the servent of the people i fucking live with so fuck you you fucking shitface.
I believe all kids should be beaten like i was when i was a kid... all it did was make me the hate the world i live in. i'm not a c*nt to people i dont' know, i get enjoyment out of putting people down in front of other i just simply ignore them until they fuck off and it has works so far.
I completely forgot that it's my brothers birthday tomorrow, i haven't gotten him anything but i'll probably get him something in melbourne something nice and taccy.he probably won't like whatever i get him so what is the point. i also didn't get something for my dad on fathers day because my dad thinks that it's stupid. But i'll just get everyone something when i go to melbourne and then every can shut the hell up.
well i'm very excited about thursday i hope that i dont' forget anythign and that i have enough money for the trip i don't believe that it's going to cost too much, we are going to do some serious drinking and some serioud gay sightseeing. anyway that is all the for the moment
I haven't yet named them, i need ideas. Dad is called Pluto and mum is call sponge . The baby fish, the main problem with naming the fish is that they are all the same colour so when i do name them i'm not going to be know which one is which but i suppose that doesn't really matter. It's not like they are going to know there names.
Drinking is a serious issue, i have been doing ti more than i usualy do it and i think it's because of finch, wanting to go to the pub and parties and have a drink. so the last couple of weeks. i've been drinking once ever a week.
number 1: In 1981 you could buy a house for 9,000 bucks
number 2: It was hard for immigrants (well my dad) too be caught by immigration
number 3: You're aunty's a bitch
number 4: Working a 75 hour week for 40 bucks sucks!, even if it is 1981
number 5: In 1981 a christmas ham could go for nearly 100 bucks
And that is the lesson for today and on to other things
I HAVE A HUNG OVER!!!
Don't you hate it when people you care about just leave because they can't take it anymore and want to escape from the place that they are. i do, i think it's bad. but i shouldn't really say anything because it's none of my business.
I"m a bad person. i care about things even though i should, i just because i don't want too. i know most people only care about me because they feel that they have too. the rest i suppose do it out of pity which i can understand. for some reason i have a feeling that i haven't felt in a long time. i suppose it might because i've had a bad week but it just come up, knowing that it is probably a stupid feeling i have it and there isn't much i can do about it other than go through with it.
I'm too chicken shit to do it, even if i want too.
sorry about that dinner was called, now i'm full and still kind of sad
i dont' know what to say i shouldn't just come on here and rant about nothing it's a waste of time and space. anyway back to life
Vorda Youngman
anyway.....
I believe that i have finally releaze that is it a BAD thing to go exploring with my friends. At first one believes that it could be a lovely time for bonding and just catching up with people i hardly ever see, but no it's not. And if you believe is... you're an idiot. the first time i went exploring with my lulu, in her car. her little widget. we ended up in the beautiful town of inala don't know why, just did i suppose at times like those a map book would be a god sent. but no, we ended up ok at the end nothing to major happened until the next time.
We deciding that it would be a wonderful thing to go for a walk ended up in the middle of nowhere, middle of the day, hot as hell, with no water lol.... see bad idea but of course the only people to come up with it would be lulu and I. Why.... what else are we suppose to do...
Dear Live journal
who knew you could insult by a dude who works at a services station....
Anyway....
Little fish and i went for a drive... did 100 ks.... it was great saw the worst look out ever! and of course it could only be at beaudesert....
anway... it was fun... got lost, didn't make friends.... nearly drove into a tip
Good times...
I shouldn't be in the industry that i am in, as i can't stand people and most of the time i would rather just serve you a bowl of horse vomit than talk to you one more time about your kids and how he can walk now. i couldn't give a shit about you or your kid. technology is annoying sometimes, i love it, it makes my world alot easier but when the pages mess up and i get blamed for not answering a page i never got... it's kind of a pain in the ass. or when the register just decides it doesnt want to work anymore and it frezzes because its gone for a drink... thats a pain in the ass.... or when the lights just decided to not work, thats a pain in the ass.
but at this moment in time people are my one true bother. i just most of them would stop because stupid, or indecisive or what just be you. i don't understand why people have to try and be something different so other people can like them.... who gave a flying fu*k what other people think. people are mean, confused monkeys that don't really care about anyone else but themselves. even if you look at those people who actually do help people, kind people. they do it because it makes them feel good we don't complain about them because they are doing something nice. but if that person was lets say killing kittens because it makes them feel good we would have a problem with that. that that person only thinks about himself and not what he is doing to another creature/person.
Why don't we report nice things in the news. one because good news does not sell and two, really think about it. when there is something nice in the new do you sit and say aww thats really nice or do you sitt there and go 'fu*k thats corny" YEAH!
you know, i was plaining the go out tonight i go a new outfit and everything i was going to go pretty for this mother trucker but no, he is going to ditch me because i did something bad, but appartently what he did to me wasn't as bad as what i did to him. i personally think that we are even but i suppose he takes longer to get over things than i do. Appartently i can just forgot or suppress it so that i don't think about it. i love suppressing feelings (side note: sometimes don't you wish that your siblings would just piss off?) it makes me feel so good and i have never 'crack' as they say about them. so what is the harm anyway who the fuck cares what those people thinks they are just a bunch of assface who want to know shit about you so they can go home and laugh about you or poke fun about you too there family or mates.... PRICKS!
i dont' understand HTML... is shouldn't exisit hahahahahahahahaha
I made Ice Tea.. mmmm
I still wish that I was going out tonight and that I didn't have to start work tomorrow at 5:45am because it's a saturday and even though I've come to accept that saturday to you is actually my wednesday, but still no matter what way you and I look at it, it's still saturday and no one wants to get up at 4:00am on a saturday. I don't want to get trained in morning room service, personally I don't belive that I would be able to do. K-dogg thinks that I can but I don't... gotta love the K-dogg. That is one reason why I'm not going out tonight and that I'm going to bed at 8 o'clock. The other reason is that Finch is annoyed because the car stopped for some mysterious reason I have yet to find out, well if I do find out. I hope he is ok, the last time that I spoke to him he sounded very P/O about the situation which I wouldn't blame him for, I think that anyone would be as just pissed off when you have a hang over and your car stops.
I'm not really looking forward to this couple of weeks alot of early starts which are going to bring me down. I can do 12 hour days starting at 6pm and finishing at 6am which won't do anything to me, i'll just need a couple of hours sleep and I'm all good but a morning shift starting at 5:45am... now that is torture.
I was at the gym today and I was thinking wouldn't it be awesome if there was gym where you could bring your dog along too, I believe that would be the greatest thing in the world. The dogs could socialize and get exercise at the same time we do, But I suppose they might already have one of those in Japan or France and won't get it here for the next ten years or something.
Random fact #1: Hummingbirds can't walk
i just wish this place wasn't so small and there was somewhere else other than my room where i could go and just be alone. But everywhere i got here there is someone there and it's kind of giving me the shits. which is why i get so excited when people go out and i'm home by myself, i don't have to deal with them or answer the questions about the same thing, twenty times.
I would love to live by myself just away from everyone, were i can just be by myself i think i could do that if i was getting lonely i would get a cat. or just have someone around i don't know but i dont' care, i just want to be left alone. i don't think i could live with someone because i'm afraid that if i do i might end up hating them, they say that people are different when you live with them so many its the best option to live alone....
anyway there is much i can do about it but complain so i suppose i should just stop talking
I just can't find anything to do here anymore i'm sick of the brisbane people, the night scene, emo's, the fags that hang out at maccas and think they are cool. everything it's just not doing it for me anymore. I'm really sick of the brisbane men, all of them slowly turning in to Melbourne Men. Damn Melbourne men, bunch of wankers they are... lol. Brisbane is great but now it's just seems like it's so bland i need something a little bit more different just a change of scene of a year or two would be great.
Not much is happening in my world doing the same shit every day because i'm getting into a routine that i'm slowly hating, not much i can do about it either. just work and home, work and home, it's great. the gossip at work the secret war in room service sometimes that can be exciting but i think the days and days of seeing people traveling in and out of the hotel, getting on planes and going to places where i want to go it's kind of making me sick of being boring, sick of being stuck in brisbane without a way out.
Even though i don't really like being social, my work forces me to be which is a good thing, because i think if i just sat at a desk all day, starring at a computer answering the phone every now and then the only person i would talk too would be little fish. not that it's a bad thing but with work they make me go out more and talk. i've been drinking more because of work too, which isn't to bad. i did get drunk the other night with finch and he got kind of wasted too which was funny. it started to talk to random people about random things like indian soccer and how nat geo is doing a doco on fetishes i thought that was kind of odd. but hey it's all in the fun of because drunk i suppose.
i kind of wish i could get drunk more often, i feel alot better when i do, maybe i should start buying more beer or just doing a jamie. but knowing me i would get fired because all the bad things happen to me, i know that everything thinks that about themselves but i really do.
eagle farm is this weekend i'm really excited about that hopeful i'll be able to go all day without passing out, i want to know more about it but most people at work don't even know yet. don't think i'm going to know anything until the day which kind of sucks but yeah.
hopfully i get to go out tonight because i don't want to spend a friday night at home, specially when i have it off. i wanted to see mum but she isn't returning my msgs' so i suppose that isn't going to happen, i hope wriggle and go out because i haven't seen her in a while and it's always fun when we go out, it makes me feel happy.
then work, i was only there for an hour because of coffee training i'm like come on but then again i was late but coffee training was as boring as watching grass grow. then i had to drive back so that i had to pay another six dollar to back... no no no just because i stayed for 1.5 hours i had to pay 12.50 because they jack up the price... like come on i was only there 1.5 hours, think about the price if i didn't have my discount... fuckers.
then i came home and i just pasted out because i didn't get any sleep last night, fuck knows why (sorry that i'm swearing so much today i just can't help it) then i started to talk to someone i liked and they just treat me like shit, thinking 'i have some free time now you wanna come over' it's like yeah i'm just someone you call when you have no one else. i hate people. then i was talking to finchy i hate that man but i can't stop talking to me, i just want to kill myself when i start talking to him because he always makes me feel like shit. i can't help it. i just get draw to him like a bad smell.
i kind of feel like crying because i hate being alone, but i'm always going to be alone because people just make my chest hurt, evey time it happens my chest just hurts... i can't help it. someone please hit me it would so help hahaha.
smokes aren't doing it anymore so i think maybe it's time to quit, but i can't be fucked because it's so much enough i just wish i could smoke when every i wanted but i can't. so i'm just going to smoke until i'm going to die.
well i have nothing else to complain about, so i'll just go....
I love robert downie jr
i love sci-fi
i love star trek
i love batman, ironman and superman
i love how one word can change your attitude
i love turtles
i love people who are kind for no reason
i love it how girls from me hot, when boys don't even look
i love info adds about skin care and 80's music CD's
i love mental
i love soup
i love driving
i love water
i love trivia
i love people who call you back on time
i love people who try there hardest even if they know they are going to fail
i love food in general
i love music
i love gary oldman
i love how men hide there feelings then complain that we don't talk enough
i love coffee
i love people who just stare to make others feel uncomfortable
i love being the freak on the bus, train or boat
i love service people
i love making people happier than they ever been
i love cuddles
i love teddies
i love destorying evidence of me doing wrong things
i love touch screen
i love the rain
i love tim roth
i love sleep
i love pillows
i love burning things
i love painting walls
i love people who are always happy no matter the situation
i love not everything but lots and some that i haven't writing down, either because i don't want to or i just thought it would obvious that i love them/it. no matter what happens i will always love them because they make me happy or i make them happy. Seeing someone smiling can make me feel joy that i would never give up.
Its nice that he told people about me, even though it is his ex. i dont' know if i would be comfortable with him talking to his ex if i went out with him because he always seems to end up in her bed every couple of weeks. but then again i shouldn't really think about it because 'i live to far away' and he keeps bonning her. even though i drove all the way to the north side today i didn't use as much petrol as i thought i would, even though there is still half a tank i thought i would use alot more than that, i suppose i don't really get the petrol thing yet. turkey's car using alot more petrol than jan's car does (every time that i type/write the word does it just doesn't look right, i'm probably spelling it wrong).
went to work for dinner last night got some free stuff, even thought it was only 100 bucks, a couple of hours later we were all hungry again so hello midnight drive to maccas. which made me feel kind of stupid but there really nothing to eat in the house and dad needed change... there i go again thinking of excuses to support my conclusion. i can't wait to go to bed tonight, i have to finish paying those bills tomorrow which shouldn't be too bad, i'll see if i can get someone to do it, as i won't have a car.
i think that i'm in the middle of writers block because i haven't writen in ages, it's kind of bad but i just can't think of anything to write about maybe i'm getting over my writing, even though it would make me feel alot better. i try and force it but it doesn't really work out good so i just end up writing shit. even though when i normally write it's shit but it's even more shit when i force it and i hate forcing it. feels kind of unnatural.
it's felt like such a long day and i have to go to work on thursday i keep thinking that it's wednesday for some reason and that i have to go to work tomorrow and i have no chance to sleep in forever so that i can just sit around the house all day and do nothing. but it's only tuesday so it's much better to think about.
not that it's my birthday today or tomorrow not even yesterday, it was last month but my family still doesn't even know that it happened, my grandmother is still saying to me 'what is your birthday darling?" i just shrug and pretend that i don't know, because the last time i told her that is was last month she did't believe and got in an arguement about it. so i just gave up, but my aunty got me something for it because she just remembered when it was. For some reason the people at work new when my actually birthday was than my extended family don't you think that is a little weird, i kind of do.
i'm finally going to us my work award today so thats not too bad. but as always i think my brother is going to mess it up by thinking that football is more important than his family. i understand that he has a commitment to his team but the family gets one day together in a month because we are either work or going to uni or other things. my dad is actually home but he is going to go to footy because it's more important that his fmaily i suppose to some people it might be...
i wish my folks where still away and it was just me and my brother, i don't really want to live here anymore i don't mind it because it's cheap and mum does all my shit for me, like washing and cooking but i don't like having everyone in the house because then they want to know what we are doing and why we are doing that. i just want to tell them that it's none of there business because even though i'm related to you, you don't need to know everything one because it's not very entertaining and two i just don't want to tell you. i have to call the dog lady tomorrow to come because she is dirty even though she got a tub like last week... welcome to the loveliness that is rolling in dirty she can get enough of it. i wish i could have finch over again it was fun when he was over. even though the last part of the evening was alittle be strange it was fun, i like hanging out with him.
i suppose i should stop talking to him but i don't want to. i love the little adds that are on the side of the screen here when i post in an entry, like ads by google "getting stick image- huge selection og stock photos. prices start at $1- free membership" or "who's your soul mate?0 we can predict the exact name of your soul mate. Try it now!" i really doubt that they can do that because if they could people wouldn't have to go though the enough of actually finding someone they could just be delieved to your door... like a pizza... or mail. i wish i would get paid already so i could buy on of them off the internet like a mail order bride but a mail order groom instead....
oh christ how low do you have to get in life before you sign up to be one of those i would rather just live in a hole... or ipswich.
- Location:backyard
- Mood:
complacent
i think that i'm really going to learn chinese so that i can talk to one side of my family even though they can speak engilsh i think it would be night my old has been trying to get me to do it for years and i kind of wished that they tort me when i was kid but nope. there is so many things that i want to do but i feel that i can't do them because i'm stuck in this boring routine that has only been really going for like six months but i don't know if i can do it anymore.
i love it, you know what i really love when i get really dressed up like i put in enough too look decent and not like some bogan, and the only people who find me hot are girls.... is that bad? like come on! not even a ugly dude... nothing... a girl...
it's kind of depressing to think about it, maybe i should try and change teams but then the men would find me hot and the girls wouldn't talk to me. oh screw that i think i'm just going to dress like my bogan self don't get me wrong.. it was fun to dress up decent and fancy but whats the point when only girls find me hot...
<pause- surf facebook>
i should really just start going to bed early so i don't even think about shit like that but it's not going to happen because i never listen to myself, i dont' know why... probably because i know that i'm an idiot and that there isn't a point. (i don't really care about spell so if it's wrong fix it yourself)
ok i kind of find this weird that i'm writing one of these but then again no one knows me so i think i'll be safe. i don't know why i'm starting one of these probably because of sick of everything not that much is happening in my life but i kind of wish that it would stop for a moment and let me breath.
i love my work but they won't leave me alone every day it's this and that, i think about when i don't have to. my boss, well my real manager left and now we have this ice queen that is just taking over, she is only there for twelve months but she thinks that she is going to reform everything like come on. it's your second day you can't demand anything yet!
i haven't told my parents that i'm not going to uni anymore so now every tuesday and wednesday i just kind of drive around and park somewhere or go see a mate for like four hours so it seems like i'm going to uni. my folks would go mental if i said that i'm not going anymore because i can't handle it, i don't want to study anymore i've been doing it for four freakin years i just want a rest from it. i don't see the harm in it but they do because they know everything... god!
and the one other things that is really getting to me, that i just can't be freaking bothered to deal with anymore because they are just a pain in the back side... men.. thats right the great species that is men. what do they want from me? i like one dude but he is like 'i started to get feelings for you too but i blocked them out... maybe if you lived closer" and the other one that i like 'i'm going to the uk soon, but we can still hook up' ummm hello! unfortunately i'm not a skanky hoe so no. all i want is someone who isn't going to treat me like there mother (boyfriend no. 1) and someone who isn't going to take all my money (boyfriend no.2) but no i can't get that because they were move away or i live to far away from them... like far out monkey brains just say 'i don't really like you' it so much better than making up all this crappola... ok i'm talking to 'you too far away from me' now and he is give me mixed msges or maybe i'm just bad at reading them!!!!! i hate them!!! so i am now not going to screw anymore i'm just going to work till i die and be happy about dying alone.
ok well i haven't really got it out of my system but i think i'm going to finish because i'm really pissed off!!!!!!! hahaha and i need a smoke (by the way if there is like spelling or gramma stuff wrong with this.. i don't care)
- Mood:
cranky
